By Sadie Whitelocks
PUBLISHED: 22:06 GMT, 20 June 2013 | UPDATED: 22:46 GMT, 20 June 2013
Talking point: One bride was insulted when a guest gifted her a food hamper and said money would have been more appropriate (stock picture)A war of words between a pair of disgruntled brides and two guests who brought them a 'cheap and embarrassing' gift, has sparked a debate over wedding etiquette.
Kathy Mason from Hamilton, Ontario, and her boyfriend, who wished to remain anonymous, decided to create a food hamper for their friends' same-sex marriage and packed it with a mix of 'fun' treats including pasta, olive oil, croutons, biscuits, Marshmallow Fluff and Sour Patch Kids.
They attached a carefully worded card to the parcel which read: 'Enjoy . . . Life is delicious.'
However, the European newlyweds were less than impressed with the gesture and contacted the couple the next day via text message to ask if they had the receipt so they could get the money back instead.
An insulted Ms Mason decided to reveal the ensuing back-and-forth exchanges to The Hamilton Spectator in a bid to prove that what she and her partner had done was 'thoughtful and not out of place.'
In the conversation trail, conducted via text and Facebook, the unnamed brides argued that it cost $200 to have Ms Mason and her plus one at their big day.
They pointed out that booking a lakeside venue in Stoney Creek, Ontario, and providing catering for 210 guests had bumped their budget up to $34,000.
Apparently Ms Mason was one of only two invitees who didn't gift at least $150 cash - the other gave a present in addition to money.
'You ate steak, chicken, booze, and a beautiful venue . . . If anything you should be embarrassed for being so cheap and embarrassing,' the brides said in one message.
The bitchy spat, published on The Hamilton Spectator's site on June 11, has attracted widespread interest.
One commentator named Vince sided with the brides, agreeing that dollars would have been more appropriate.
'As a person who has been invited to numerous weddings [and] a firm believer of the saying "do unto others." I am always sensitive when it comes to giving a gift,' he wrote.
'If I knew the couple is spending $100/plate, I make sure to give $250 or more not only to cover my and fiancees dinner but to give the newlyweds a gift as well. I am getting married in September and would be furious if this happened to me.'
'You should never host a party that you cannot afford, or expect your guests to pay for it'
And Victoria agreed, writing: 'I have never received a hamper as a gift, again I'm European and we are bred to be very generous.
'Gift baskets are appropriate for showers, birthdays...etc but in my culture anything less than a $100 per person monetary gift is insulting. I have Greek, Portuguese and other European friends who would wholeheartedly agree.'
However, Laura supported Ms Mason and her boyfriend, deeming the brides' reaction 'rude'.
'I am so disappointed in society,' she explained. 'We have truly lost the meaning of weddings. It’s a ceremony to celebrate your love and to bring together the people who will support you through your marriage.
'It’s not profit oriented business venture. I personally think the gift had an element of fun in it.'
And Louise Fox, a Toronto-based etiquette coach who has appeared on shows including Slice TV's Rich Bride, Poor Bride, says even requesting the receipt was out of order.
Controversial: A picture of the food hamper created by Ms Mason and her boyfriend for their friends' weddingShe suggests the just-wed couple should have 'offered the basket to family, friends or a food bank, then written a thank-you note that focused on the thought behind the act of gift-giving.'
The first message Ms Mason received the day after her friends' wedding read: 'Heyyy I just wanna say thanks for the gift but unfortunately I can't eat any of it lol I'm gluten intolerant. Do u maybe have a receipt [?]'
She said she was surprised by the mention of a gluten allergy, as the brides had recently been to eat at the Italian restaurant where her boyfriend works and both ate whole wheat pasta.
As a result, she failed to respond directly to the question. This triggered a follow-up text 24 hours later. In the second note she was bluntly told that a financial contribution would have been preferred.
'Thanks again for the $30 gift basket . . . you should be embarrassed for being so cheap'
[Instead we just] got fluffy whip and sour patch kids in return. Just a heads up for the future :),' the bride sniped.
An infuriated Ms Mason then told the happy couple 'you should never host a party that you cannot afford, or expect your guests to pay for it.'
She also stressed that she had done a lot of research on wedding etiquette.
But the angry brides did little to settle her temper. 'Weddings are to make money for your future. Not to pay for peoples meals,' they said.
'Do more research. People haven't gave [sic] gifts since like 50 years ago! But thanks again for the $30 gift basket.'
Speaking to The Hamilton Spectator after the incident the brides, who are of Italian and Croatian descent, put it down to cultural differences.
'I don't know what day or century they're living in,' one concluded.
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